A New Year: 2019

I can't start afresh at a random point in the year or month. There are only two times in the year where I feel like I can have a "new start"; 1st January and at the beginning of the new school year in September.

Losing my Grandfather a few days before Christmas pushed me into some kind of "auto-pilot" mode. I've been back at work since Christmas Day but the new year hasn't actually had the most efficient start that I hoped it would have had. I've barely done any housework, thankfully Mark has picked my slack and I've felt so low that I've been quite happy to let him. We've been living in limbo land waiting for the funeral before I've felt like I can actually re-start my life.

The kids have gone back to school, finally, after two weeks, I've had the house to myself for a few hours. I spent the morning pottering around the house, put a couple of loads on to wash and dry and dusted the living room. It feels strange to be getting on with "normal" things, but ultimately, I think it will be good for me. I've brought my little laptop out of its drawer and thought about writing whatever I felt.

I've never had to deal with grief before, I am so terribly lucky that I made it to 32 before losing someone that close to me. A big part of 2019 for me will involve learning to adapt to a new normal, a new after-school routine and new plans to make for school holidays that will include and honour him, for my sake and for the sake of the kids.

If I've learnt anything these past few weeks, it's how important it is to make memories, to take the photos. These are all I have left of my precious Taidy now. So in 2019, that's where my main focus will lie and my little corner of the internet will reflect that. I want to make plans for a better year for me and my family. Overall, the kind of year we have will be dictated by our appointments to London with Martha Grace, but we've got another 4 months until our next visit to Great Ormond Street Hospital and I can't sit around until then to plan my year.

We may have started the year on a sad note, but it doesn't have to continue that way.


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