A letter to Martha Grace || April 2018

To my Amazing Little Girl,

The weekend before your appointment in London is always hard. If I happen to be off from work, we'll spend it as a family and try to soak up as much normality as we can as we don't know how life will look the next time we're together like that.

I woke up on Saturday morning to the news that a little girl who was only 6-years old had suddenly passed away during the early hours of the morning. Martha, I'm devastated. A mammi just like me is without her little girl. A brave little girl who'd had operations in Hospital and a scar just like yours. A little girl who had defied all odds to make it as far as she did, just like you!

Up until yesterday, what I hoped for is that you wouldn't need another operation. Tonight - I'm just hoping that whatever the outcome tomorrow - there will be a positive plan in place to deal with it. Martha, I need you here with us. There is so much that I want us to do as a family, so many places that I want us to go.

I've always known that life is short, but yesterday's news has shaken me to my very core. I need to be making the most of the time that I have with the three of you. We need to be enjoying the days out and booking the Holidays. Nothing is guaranteed.

This weekend, we've been to the hairdressers and you had a haircut, we've been to the opticians to pick up your glasses (which so far, you've taken off about a million times), we had a flying visit to Penrhyn Castle and we had a chilled out Saturday night. Mammi's been working today and you've been home with Isabella and Daddy. Nothing spectacular but it was just what I needed before a trip to Great Ormond Street. I just hope that there are more weekends like this on the cards without the worry of surgery hanging over us.

Whatever the outcome tomorrow, we'll only be acting in your best interest. You are always our priority. I have no idea what to expect from tomorrow; your general health has been great but that's never a reliable indication of how your little heart is doing.

But if you can be brave, I can be brave too.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Mammi xxxx

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