Sunday, 25 February 2018

A self care update - February

February is a month for celebration for me, it's our wedding anniversary on the 19th and my birthday on the 22nd. We've been away for the weekend and I'd made plans with friends and family too. I've had a week's annual leave, it was a busy one in the sense that I had made plans for lunch or a browse around the shops every day. Not actual full days, just a few hours here and there. I prefer it this way because it also means I have time to myself too.

My anxiety levels are quite high at the moment. A text from anyone can leave me on edge; wondering which way I should interpret the message, are they being sarcastic? Are they trying to be funny? Are they pi***d off at me?

I think about how nice it is being off for a week and then I'm panicking if I'm just wasting holidays that I'll need for London with Martha. I just want to get her next appointment out of the way with. Six months between sounds amazing, deep down I know it's fantastic and that I should be enjoying it. But six months is a really long time to wait to find out how well your child is especially when the Heart can change so much in such a short space of time.

I've found a letter to Martha from February 2016, I'd have done anything back then to be on a 6-month check-up. 

Two month's in and this whole "self-care" thing hasn't been the quick-fix I assumed it would be. I thought I'd see results almost immediately. I thought that just knowing I was on my list of priorities would make a difference to how I feel. I think it's going to be a long process, that I really need to invest time in myself.

Starting each day better

Easier said than done. I really thought this one would be straightforward enough, all I'd have to do is set my alarm clock and get out of bed when it's gone off. I'm not one who goes to bed late either, I'm almost always in bed by 10pm and I fall asleep relatively quickly. But when the alarm goes off in the morning I cannot find the motivation to get up. I stay in bed as late as I can (normally when the girls come upstairs after breakfast) then I'm rushing about trying to get myself ready to be out the door in time for school.

The crazy part is when I have to be up for work - I have no problem getting up. Or if I have a lazy morning planned, I quite like getting up early so that I can have an hour or so on my own before the kids get up. But school run - forget it!

I'm not going to write it off yet though, I'm going to keep trying. I think I'm going to try to get up 10 minutes earlier every day until I'm finally up and about by 7am so that it's built up slowly. I might be able to handle that a little bit better.

Cleaning and meal-prep routine

I've been completing my meal-plan on time every week, using it to write my shopping list. It's great because it's flexible; we've got the ingredients in and if our plans change we simply switch which days we have those meals. It takes the pressure off if we need if something comes up last minute.

The less said about cleaning the better. It's not a routine exactly but it's getting done on an ad-hoc basis. It's not ideal but I'm a busy girl and the main thing is that it does get done. Most of the time.

Blog & Photography

The Bullet Journal system seem's to be working and keeping track of my blog schedule. I use it to jot down my notes for blog posts and for planning content. It's not rigid, I don't set myself strict time limit where I need to complete tasks. I have a weekly to-do list which means my posts are almost ready to go a week in advance. If something comes up, a topic I find that I really want to write about I simply move things around.

I don't blog for money, it's not my job. I wrote a post during Heart Week on why I continue to blog, and mainly for me. So I have an outlet for whatever is on my mind and a journal for Martha on her treatment. I'm trying to worry less about what I "should" be writing about, just doing what feels best for me.

Being together
With our wedding anniversary and my Birthday falling within a few days of each other, we've been lucky enough to be able to go away for the weekend in February to celebrate. This year we chose Chester; for the shopping, bars for drinks and a nice meal out together. It's something we look forward to once Christmas is over really. We're lucky that my parents are happy to have the kids over for the weekend. Yes, we are parents now, but I'll never underestimate how important it is to remember we were boyfriend/girlfriend once upon a time.

We've chatted, we've giggled, we've laughed, we've gossiped, we've made plans for the future. All without anyone constantly interrupting our conversations asking us to make them a drink or take them to the toilet. Parenting is hard, parenting a child with complex medical needs is harder still. I've come home feeling refreshed, confident that whatever life throws at us this year - we'll tackle it head-on TOGETHER!

Feeling positive at how this month has been, hoping it carries on upwards through March.