4 years on

Today we should have been walking around in the cold at the Manchester Christmas Markets, but the snow over the North West we decided we wouldn't risk the journey. We've watched Christmas films, painted our nails and just had a  proper chilled out day together.

Today's Timehop reminds me that 4 years ago I was probably at one of my lowest points in our journey with Martha Grace.

We'd just found out that Martha needed her 3rd Open Heart Surgery and I was convinced they were only suggesting further surgery so that they could have her bed back if she didn't make it. I refused to
sign consent forms and insist they let me take photo's of the lab images on my phone so that I could send them to Mark.

I'd come home that night so that I was there to see Osh in his Christmas Concert the following day, I was probably the most miserable person in the school hall.

While I was home my Mam got in touch to say that another child had passed away in our ward, it was only Wednesday and it was the 2nd child that week. In my head, I was convinced "these things happen in three's" I still wasn't convinced surgery was our best option the next day. She had only just started smiling again after her 2nd operation, I could not risk losing my baby again.

It wasn't until we were on the train coming back to London that I realised that we should accept this next operation. I knew that Owyn and Sebastian's family would have done anything for another chance to save their child, I would have been doing their tiny lives a huge disservice if I didn't grab at every opportunity that we were given to save Martha Grace.

That day passed by in a blur, she went down to theatre just after 12pm and she was done just before 5:30pm. I stayed up all night with her and my Mam until 6:30am when Mark came back to take over.

It wasn't plain sailing from there on either, it would still be another 6 weeks before she finally came home. 

Sadly, before that week in December 2013 was out, we would lose another two babies who's families we had gotten to know. While I'm looking at Timehop photo's from a difficult time, they are probably looking back at photo's from this time four years ago when their lives came crashing down around them.

Maybe we missed out on the Christmas Markets today, but what I've had is a day at home with the four most important people in my life. This time four years ago I couldn't imagine a happiness like this.


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