I woke up this morning to a reminder on my phone saying it was "Siblings" day. I had totally forgotten. I was really organised on a recent afternoon walk and had my photo ready, I'd just totally forgotten to do anything with them.
Back in January we thought we had three clear months before going back to London. But last week while I was doing my monthly tour of the bank's with Martha, Mark phoned me with the news that the booking office at Great Ormond Street Hospital had just called with a date for Martha's Pacemaker generator replacement.
A lot sooner than we thought.
I'm not in the least bit worried, that's how messed up I have become. It's another operation, she'll be under General Anaesthetic and she'll have a piece of electronic equipment taken out of a little pocket that's been made above her left kidney replaced with a new one. But I'm not worried. Mainly because they won't be putting her on by-pass and they won't be stopping her heart for this procedure, so this one is relatively minor in comparison to the other ones she's had.
What I am worried about is pain management, she sleeps on the side of her pacemaker and I worry that she won't be able to in the first few weeks after she operation and she'll be uncomfortable and unsettled. I also worry about her losing another 6-week block of school. She's already one of the youngest in her class and at a disadvantage, she lost 6 weeks before Christmas while she recovered from Open Heart Surgery.
It's another trip to London and it mean's being away from Osh and Isabella for an unknown amount of time again. It's another procedure we have to put her through, I wish it wasn't necessary but unfortunately, we have to - Martha's Heart Block mean's she simply cannot live without a pacemaker.
But when we have days like this (photo's) I know we are doing the right thing. We are a family of 5, it just works for us. We keep fighting with Martha against the ba****d that is CHD because we always vowed we would do everything in our power to make sure Martha Grace receives the best treatment and care that we could offer her. That's what she deserves, that's what Osh and Isabella deserve for their little sister.
It was this day 4 years ago, 15th February 2013 that we went for our 12-week scan to confirm my pregnancy with Martha. Life was perfect back then, we'd just started the house hunt to buy our 1st proper home. We sent our family a text with the scan photo, we were so happy. Naive and innocent we were, we never imagined what we'd have to go through together.
Life isn't the same as we'd imagined on the day of our 12 week scan, but we're rolling with it. It's a million times better than the life we feared we'd have on Martha's worst days. For that - I am eternally grateful.