Thursday, 26 January 2017

A letter to Martha Grace || January 2017


To my amazing Littlest Lady,
I haven't written to you in ages; while I know that you are none the wiser and that by the time you are old enough to read them you'll still have a ton to read through anyway and won't notice a few months missing here and there...I think it's me that has suffered the most from not writing to you.


We're having a lazy morning today, Mammi went to her work's Christmas Party last night and a few drinks so Nainy very kindly offered to walk Isabella to school today. There are a few odd jobs that Mammi needs to get done but we are mostly drinking tea and eating chocolate biscuits together in our dressing gowns.

Your favourite thing to do these days is to chill out on Mammi and Daddy's bed with the iPad. We snuggle up together and you are served tea and biscuits on request.

Right now we have just started our 3 months of safety. Our 1st outpatients appointment right at the beginning of the January and Martha, it was one of the best outpatients appointment we'd ever had with you. Mammi, Daddy, and Nainy were so sick with nerves all morning. I honestly think I was more nervous for this appointment than I was for your actual open heart surgery in November.  But to hear Dr. Sullivan speaking so positively about the outcome of the operation, saying how happy Victor Tsang with how the procedure went - it felt amazing. We walked out of the clinic and I turned to Nainy saying that I could actually cry. That's when we know we did the right thing by you. That's when we know that we have the best team behind us. When all the heartache and worry we've been through is totally worth it. But if I'm being honest, anything we've ever been through pales in comparison to what you have actually physically been through. I just hope you know that we've done our best for you because you deserve nothing less. 

A read this morning that a little boy in Nashville who's story I had been following had passed away yesterday. While his heart defect is totally different to yours, it's a situation that is a little too close to home for me. It crucifies me knowing that right now, another family is living my worst nightmare. I know that Kolton's family would have done anything yesterday for his team to have a surgical plan which might just save/prolong his life. That's what I've focused on each time we were given the news that you needed surgery again; we are just grateful that something can be done and that our team are willing to give you that chance.


We had kept you off school since the operation, you finally got to return after the Christmas holidays. We are still only taking you three afternoons a week. We have to decide now when we think it's best to increase that to four afternoons a week. Deep down I know that you will cope perfectly. But a teeny tiny part of me is nervous to push you too far. But come September you will have to go to school for five full days a week and I know I have to be fair to you and prepare you as best we can so that you don't find it too much of a shock.


You are the bravest, strongest warrior I've ever known. When I was pregnant with you I didn't let myself dream about you in the future, the child you'd grow up to be because it hurt too much to think beyond your first operation. You really are the perfect third child, the baby of the family. The cheeky one who gets away with everything. The loving and playful partner in crime for Isabella Nicole. The annoying littlest sister for Osh.

We love you more than you'll ever know.

From Mammi xxxx