A letter to Martha Grace || October 2016

To my Beautiful and Brave Warrior,

I lied, I told you in the last letter that if we hadn't heard from London by the end of September then I would chase them up...but I didn't. October arrived and we'd organised a party for Isabella to have with her school friends and I told myself that once her party was done then I most definitely would call GOSH. But they beat me to it.

I was about to finish work on Friday and I was just having a quick scan on Facebook, I noticed that GOSH had posted a photo of my favourite Consultant - so I took a screenshot and sent it to your Daddy with the caption "Be still my beating heart". When I came back to my desk a few moments later, I'd had a text off Daddy saying that London had called and that I needed to phone him ASAP.

My Darling Baby Girl, we have your date. We have the next day that Professor Victor Tsang has the full day free. We need to travel to London a couple of days beforehand so that you can have another CT scan, pre-admission will happen the next day and we'll find out more about the procedure and the plan of action and then you'll have surgery the day after that. What type - we just don't know.

It absolutely crucifies me that you have to go through this again so soon after last time; I honestly thought we'd get more than a year out of your last Open Heart Surgery. If I could trade places with you so that I could endure the pain and discomfort myself then I would in a heartbeat.

I'm not scared for Surgery Martha, I know that you have the best team in the country looking after you. You are three years old now - and if they can operate on your tiny 5-day old heart then now at least they have a little more room to play with. I'm a tad apprehensive that you also need the battery for your pacemaker replaced and hope that it can all the done in one go...but if that's not possible then so be it. I rather they give you back to me alive and plan for Pacemaker change the following week.

We don't consent to these operations because we want to see you suffer, we just love you so much and want to give you every opportunity we can. We want to give you the best chance to survive and have the same quality of life you've enjoyed up until now. We will never deny you treatment, especially when Dr Sullivan and Professor Tsang recommend that particular course of action.

There are a tough few weeks on the horizon, but between now and then we are going to enjoy every moment of being a family of 5.

I love you to the moon and back again. But please behave and let's get you through this as swiftly as possible, hey?

From Mammi xxxx

Little Hearts Big Love

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