Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Feels like the end of the world

Our next appointment at Great Ormond Street is on Thursday.

The date will be 4th February 2016.

It's the first week of the second month of the year. As far as I am concerned - this is the day the world ends!

It started when I was pregnant with Martha. We had no idea whether or not Martha Grace would survive and so I couldn't imagine how our life would be after our due date. We couldn't make any plans for anything after her birth. 



Since we had the appointment through for this check-up, I haven't been able to make plans beyond the 4th of February.

February is always a busy month with our wedding anniversary and my birthday but I don't feel like I can look forward to them when we don't know what kind of news we'll have on Thursday. I want to make plans to go away for our anniversary and I also want to be able to make arrangements for days out with kids over half term holidays. But I'm too scared to, I don't know if we'll be able to enjoy the things we would have planned - I don't want to tempt fate and have plans that would potentially be ruined so it's safer for me not to organise anything.

This is probably the closest I get to feeling sorry for myself, I don't really dwell on the future too much because our future always looks so uncertain...but when your future only stretches out a couple of days it's really hard not to become overwhelmed. Are there other Heart Parent's out there who feel this way as you approach outpatients appointments?

GM
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