A letter to Martha Grace || September 2015

To  my Beautiful, Brave Martha Grace,
I've stared at a blank screen for a while now - not quite sure if I know what I want to write. 

This month you are going for Open Heart Surgery #4. We got the phone call to discuss admission dates on the day before your Birthday, but I've been desperately trying to put it to the back of my mind ever since. Because you see, if I think about what you are about to go through it makes me want to run away with you so that no one can touch you. But I know that won't help you; it would only make you really ill. I hope one day you will see that we only consent to surgery because we want to improve your quality of life, we're not wiling to give up on you. We want only the best for you which is why you're looked after at Great Ormond Street and why your surgeon is Victor Tsang.

I promise you we won't leave you unless we have to. We'll make sure that we're with you when you wake up and that Me and Daddy, Nainy & Taidy or Nan & Grandad will be with you at all times. But you have to promise us that you will behave, that you won't fail extubation, that you'll hold your temperature, your oxygen saturations, your Heart Rate and your Blood Pressure. You have to promise that you'll get your Kidneys and Liver to work properly again. And if it's at all possible, please don't keep us in London for as long as you did last time.

Because I want my little Girl back as soon as possible. I want to see you push your new pram with your dolly's in, I want to hear you say "love you Mammi", I want to laugh as you say "cuz I said so"

I love you so much, Baby Girl. My one wish is that I get your write you a letter next month.


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