Monday, 2 March 2015

A Letter to Martha Grace || March 2015


Dear Martha Grace,
It was my Birthday last Sunday and on that day you turned 18 months old, which is a huge milestone. You're not really a baby any more, you certainly don't act like one - you're an absolute madam at times...but you'll always be my Baby.

Your speech has improved so much again this month, it tickles me when you crawl around the house shouting "Daddy, where are you?" - you sound so cute. To help us along when you want something specific,
you now point to it and say "There, there!" just incase we didn't know where it was.

We took you, Osian and Isabella away for the night to Carden Park Hotel for our Wedding Anniversary and you were all really well behaved. You even got to swimming for the 1st time which you loved. I sat you on the first step to begin with so that you could get used to the temperature of the water by splashing with your feet; then I carried you and took you a little deeper - I didn't want you to be shocked that the water was colder than you expected...but you were jumping about in my arms really excited so we decided it would be safer to put you in the inflatable thing we brought for you. I was scared that you would turn blue, it's a common problem for Cardiac babies like you as you can't hold your temperature in the cold; but we had ordered a wetsuit from Heart Line for you and you stayed toasty warm and well perfused.

But you have been quite naughty these past couple of weeks haven't you. I've never known a baby like you to lose their dummy in the middle of the night. This morning you cried for me but when I got there I found your dummy only a couple of inches from your face, I think you could have found it yourself if you'd have had a feel around for it. Pretty sure you did the same thing to your Dad the other night too, he said you told him "Daddy, dummy - there!" and was not impressed at being treated like a servant at 6am on a Saturday morning.

The Health Visitor came to see you last Thursday, as soon as she pulled the scales out of her bag you started bawling your eyes out - you just sat on it and cried "Mammi!" the whole time you were on it. But you'd lost 200g in the past month haven't you...if I wasn't scared for London before then I most certainly am now. I know you are a lot more mobile now and you're using up a lot more calories doing so; but it doesn't help when you refuse to drink your bottle for me at all now. I'm lucky if I get 50ml of your feed down you at breakfast time and you barely take an ounce and lunch and bedtime. Me and Daddy have tried everything to get you to drink but you will not be persuaded. You know I am so worried that it's affecting your heart function, I'm worried that Dr. Sullivan will tell us that you're failing to thrive and insist that we fit with a PEG so that we can feed you via a pump over night. I mean you are really good at eating, you eat your Ready Brek and you love pancakes and biscuits, you love feeding yourself. But as with the Tracheostomy you almost had when we struggled to get you off the ventilator, if it's what you need then of course we'll do it...I just pray it doesn't come to that.

The next time I write to you we'd have been to London, I can't even imagine what kind of post that letter will be. We've never been so long without you having an ECHO or a Pacemaker check and a lot can change/ develop in 6 months...other than losing weight last month (& refusing to take a bottle) anyone would think you were a "normal" toddler.

The picture in this post is from the Hotel room at Carden Park, you were knocking on the window at the guests arriving and shouting "Daddy, where are you?" because he'd gone back to the car to get our luggage. You look like such a big girl in this picture and I want to have it framed.

I love you so much Baby Girl

xxx