So the appointment has been made and tomorrow morning we are taking Martha Grace to Great Ormond Street for her first outpatients appointment since we've brought her home.
I am worried sick at what the ECHO and ECG will show the Consultant, Dr Sullivan.
If I think about it logically, she -
a) looks perfectly healthy, sleeps peacfully between feeds, loves having cuddles and having a kick about on her mat;
b) her breathing seems normal and most importantly she has been putting weight on beautifully since wecame home (from 5lbs 14oz to 7lbs 5oz in 3 weeks)
But I am her Mother. It is unreasonable to expect me to think logically when it comes to any of my Children. I have this unhealthy need to know what the "worst case scenario" is and to challenge the Doctors for their plan should the worst happen. It's not being pessimistic - it's being prepared. I know I drove Mark mental doing this in the few days after surgery, it's my way of coping with what might happen before it has the chance to happen and take me by surprise. Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed.
We've got seats booked on the 7:22am Bangor to Euston train which will get us in to London for 10:38am. We'll walk the short journey to Great Ormond Street in time for the appointment at 11:10am. She will have an ECHO and an ECG when we arrive. The Consultant will need to see the result of these before we meet with him in the afternoon to discuss what to do next.
Again, I want to get it all over and done with - to know the results so that we can look forward to the next stage of her care. It's the not knowing that's killing me. At the moment the world stops tomorrow for me. It's Isabella's birthday next weekend and I can't even think about it properly yet because I don't know what we'll be trying to deal with as far as Martha is concerned.
I just hope that God is done with punishing me and putting Martha through Hell, that he's happy for her to carry on getting better from now on.
Once again I ask my Family, Friends and readers to hold Martha Grace in their prayers tonight and tomorrow.
|This is how Mammi is feeling tonight|
|Our beautiful little girl|