I thought the day of the operation was going to be the hardest...I was wrong.
Martha Grace was very sick when she arrived on the ward from Theatre. The first 3 days post operation went so slowly i honestly don't feel like we were making any progress. Which was completely unfair on the Little Girl.
She had quite a bit of fluid on board and because of this they wouldn't close her chest - which of course meant she couldn't progress any further.
Maybe it's just that I am the impatient one. Maybe I want her to recover right now that I think she's taking too long and not giving her little body the time it needs to recover from the bypass (she was in hyperthermicarrest for almost 45mins)
I became obsessed with how much she was peeing and how negative she was over a certain 12hr period. It didn't matter to me that the nurses were saying that everything Martha Grace was doing - they had anticipated!!! But I needed to know the worst case scenario for everything. I wanted to know what their plan was for every eventuality. The nurses were completely unfazed by everything, and rightly so as they do this day in and day out.
But she is my Baby. I haven't seen.anything like this before. I don't know what's normal. Every time an alarm goes off I freak but the Nurses don't bat an eyelid.
To be honest over the last few days I've only been able to cope with running in for quick updates before running out again for a few hours. The alarms scare me too much and they go off far too often.
I think I hit my lowest on Thursday night - I really felt like we weren't getting anywhere. She wasn't losing enough fluid and they seemed desperate to close her chest - I was scared she was going to get even more unwell. I cried myself to sleep that night - I was scared of going to sleep incase she took a turn for the worst during the night.
On our weay to the hospital Friday morning Mark checked his phone and found he had a missed call from a withheld number. I almost screamed. The panic set in and we made a dash for the ward. Neither of us spoke. Both of us scared of what we would find when we got there.
But all we did find was a couple of nurses quietly giving her a wash.
I've never been to relieved in all my life. They hadn't called us.
I should have known that. They would have called my mobile too if it was urgent and would have called and called until they get through to us.
So I feel like I'm going crazy.
It's just really difficult as all we can do is sit tight and wait for her to drain more fluid. Luckily we have a great team of Doctors and Nurses who also want her to do that and are helping her along the way.
She'll get there, slowly but surely she'll get there.