The first few days with a new Baby are magical, life is perfect. There is a constant stream of visitors bearing gifts, hours spent gazing at your beautiful newborn fast asleep in their very own moses basket or in your arms and if you're lucky enough to get any sleep yourself - you will be in your own bed.
This is what I had assumed we would get when we decided we were ready for baby number 3.
This couldn't be any further away from our reality...
By now Martha Grace is 3 days old, I have been allowed to change her nappy three times and I've yet to give her a bottle.
When she cries in her incubator I can't just lift her out for a cuddle - I have to gently stroke somewhere onher body (that isn't covered in sensors or wires) and just hope that she feels some kind of comfort from my touch.
I realise that we are very lucky she is alive, and that we've come all this way to give her the best chance of life...but it doesn't make it any easier, especially when you've only.given birth three days ago and your.hormones are chaotic.
I am being good most of the time and focusing on the positives:-
1. She's breathing by herself. They had warned us after she was born that the Prostin which is used to keep the duct open might make her forget to breathe. Should that happen she would then need to be intubated. So far - she has behaved.
2. When Dr Yates from Great Ormond Street performed the scan on Martha's heart on Friday night he was happy that the pre-natal diagnosis was right and she doesn't have any extra problems with heart.
3. She is stable enough to stay at UCLH until a cot becomes available at GOSH...if they had any concerns she would be whisked over to GOSH as an emergency.
4. They checked her for a cleft palate and are doesn't have one.
5. She sleeps and wakes like a normal baby, has a head full of hair and is genuinely a beautiful little girl.
6. When I held her today she slept peacefully in my arms, it was just like being a normal new Mammi.
The Ward Sister is to phone GOSH before the end of her shift in the morning to find out if there is a bed available for Martha Grace. We were told tonight that the only reason she wouldn't be able to go tomorrow is if an emergency came up - and seeing as Martha is settled here I would be more than happy for her to stay here to give a more poorly child the best chance.
But the longer we stay here, the longer she's not having the Operation - and I really do want to get that part over with.
I haven't been focusing on that part though to be honest...I've been imagining taking her home, wondering how Isabella will take to having a baby in the house, how will Osh cope with two little sisters. Been daydreaming about the normal stuff families do...lazy weekend breakfasts and cuddles on the sofa. Trips to Llandudno for lunch and the big shop in Asda.
I can't think about what might happen this week...I need to look much further in the future.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to e-mail me since the birth...once I am stronger (and have more time) I will respond to each of you personally.
|With Martha Grace in NICU|