I had never announced any of my pregnancies early on, other than our parents who were told as soon as, our siblings and closest friends were never told until we'd had the 12week scan. No Facebook posts were ever made until we had the all important 20 week scan out of the way.
If any one ever asked us what we wanted, we always gave the customary "we don't mind as long as their healthy" as an answer, so blasè - we never believed we'd get anything other than a healthy baby!!!
The 20 scan started off just like the previous 2 had, we saw the
feet and legs first and were told we were having another girl. Her stomach and kidneys were seen, her lips were checked for a cleft lip, her head circumference was measured and all was fine.
She then moved on to the heart, she showed us each of the 4 chambers and explained she needed to take photo's of what she could see (as proof to back herself up). This seemed to take a while...eventually she admitted the baby wad lying awkwardly and that she needed a more senior nurse to have a try. But she couldn't get the image either.
We were given two options, either go for a walk for 15mins to see if we could get the baby to move - or make an appointment to come back in two weeks time. As we were there we decided we would go for a walk, and make the calls to let everyone know we were having another girl before returning to finish the scan.
Naturally everyone was over the moon with another girl.
We walked back to the scan department without a care in the world. But there were two different nurses waiting for us. They both took their turn trying to get the required image.
Eventually the second shot up out of her chair, turned off the machine and said "I'm sorry...there's a problem with your Baby's heart" - she practically ran out of the room. Her words still hanging in the air - what the hell did she mean??
We were quickly ushered to the Antenatal Day Unit where we were told a pediatric consultant would meet us for a chat and a referral to Liverpool Women's would be made.
I don't remember that meeting. I wasn't able to process any of the information.
We went home to wait for a call from Liverpool with an appointment for sometime later that week.
The not knowing, the waiting around was almost cruel.
We should have been making the exited calls to friends add family that everything was fine and telling the kids they were going to have a brand new baby sister.
Instead we sat in silence drinking tea shedding the odd tear with my Mother and Grandmother.
What the hell had just happened?